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Love What Dies [Oct. 27th, 2007|03:44 am]
[mood |fuck the rain]
[music |Burzum]

I am a dancefloor of embers
I am a life of sparkling flames
I am a charred heart and blackened soul

I dream of taking your hand
I dream of holding you close
I dream of having this dance

Reality watches you come near
Reality watches you hold on
Reality watches you burn away

I am the mesmerizing flame of limitless wonder, beauty and destructive power. An accelerant of passion burns compassion ripping hearts from their homes and melting away all hope. As you watch the world in ashes the cycle ends and every breath expires. Chaotic mass confusion is pure peace and reality. All I ask is for a simple dance in the midst of hell. Even if it will kill you.

Why do ashes make me smile?
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I Brought Back Streetpunk [Oct. 15th, 2007|04:07 am]
[mood |trying]
[music |The Defects]

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More nights like last night need to happen. Through the bullshit that is life comes a few hidden good times and great memories. Everything is always a bummer and the walls are always caving in. Bad luck and shit storms in the forecast. I don't care. Push it deep inside and enjoy the times. It's all going to be ripped away in the end. Just keep kicking away at the people trying to drag me down. Stay out of the chaos of hearts and minds. Stay out of life. Every man is for themselves. Leave me with my heart and I'll be fine. I got a crush and its ok. What a disaster waiting to happen. All a part of the good parts of life. I shall cherish the days before the flames. Baby the whole world's going insane.

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Fight For Your Life! [Sep. 30th, 2007|09:27 am]
[mood |streetpunk you idiot]
[music |Ulver]

Tonight (now 9:30am) was a really fucking good night. Well needed. Life has been a big pile of shit lately. I forgot the things that make living in this shitty world worth living. Jumping off things at good shows, lots of friends, falling through furniture and structures, wrecking everything, streetpunk, fighting, being insane, pizza pizza pizza and driving home at 110mph in a car that isnt yours and with a liscense that dosen't exist.

I've also been pushing myself positively. Trying to join and/or begin a dominoes league, practicing spanish and learing japanese, starting a distro, went and got food stamps, working on a new website, going to do a new zine, bringing back streetpunk and possibly looking for a Mrs. after avoiding such a thing for so long. Ready to live life to the fullest. Be jealous.

Now I'm going to sleep to black metal.
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Welcome To The Eye Of The Storm [Sep. 14th, 2007|09:52 am]
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore –
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over –
Like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
Like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
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I Do Not Ask For A Chance But The Strength To Take One [Aug. 8th, 2007|11:28 pm]
[mood |DeSpiritualized]
[music |Blood Spit Nights]

I stood at the edge of the ocean in a deep fog. Throwing rocks into the water as hard and as far as I could. Alone in the dark deep fog. It was good. Very refreshing. Mackey once showed me how he screams at the ocean when he is upset. That all the anger you channel into it leaves it unchanged. Staying calm yet feirce and peaceful but dangerous. A place of undying rage and quiet peacefulness.

Yesterday I got into a pretty bad accident. Losing my brakes in the middle of an intersection crashing into the side of a speeding van. I thought it just needed to be popped into place. In fact I have a seperated shoulder. My clavicle is no longer connected to my shoulder. All the ligaments connecting them are torn and can only be fixed with surgery. I don't see that happening unless this affects my arm mobility in the future. So I instead just have lump looking deformity in my shoulder forever. I missed the show. My best friend is in the hospital. Sean and chelsea got arrested. My bike needs serious repairs. I can't play guitar. I can't tatoo. I contiued that whole day in self misery and hate. Yet carry on with high hopes and my head up.

I feel as if my time is ticking. Ever so quickly. I can't lie. I'm afraid. Trying so hard to make the best of things but being alone really makes it difficult. I do have it together. I really do. I'm level. Clear headed. For once in my life. So I wonder why I feel like the whole world hates me. I missed out on alot of good things in the past because I didn't have it together. Now I face the consequence of lost hearts.
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Everyone Knows Me But Nobody Knows Me [Aug. 4th, 2007|06:44 am]
[mood |hopeless lives]
[music |The Vicious]

Homeward bound after a slumberless night and the beginning of a new day. The slow public transportation is relaxing and rewarding. Everyone's going to work and you're going home. What it is to be a maniac and deserve the rights to be looked at as a maniac by people who have no idea how exhilirating or how dull you may be.

I'm so far gone that normalcy is a fairytale.

I'm tired of being lonely. I'm tired of having to admit it. Tired of the lack of confidence and self esteem. Tired of the world around me. Tired of all the places and faces. Can you believe it's been this long? I'm forgetting what it feels like. Maybe that's a good thing. I won't be getting lost in the depths of pupils and entangled in compassion. It only stings when they smile back. The apathy is overwhelming me and I'm sinking fast. Maybe just maybe it's out there.

Fuck Religion. Fuck Politics. Fuck The Lot Of Ya.
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Living In Ruins Piled So High It Becomes A Throne [Aug. 2nd, 2007|08:16 pm]
[music |Criminal Damage]

Last weekend was great. 4 days of straight adventure. Exploring, fights, friends, fires, burritos, pizza, puking and swimming. I don't like swimming but I went and had a good time. Chodey was visiting and it made everything much more fun and hilarious. It's one of those things that so much happened and the stories of the days have been told over and over that it's not worth talking about. Savor the moments in time I guess.

The knox album is finished finally. Like mixing and everything. Now just need to do artwork and all the other bullshit. Lots of shows coming up and that music jazz. Woot woot. Looked at a building for a venue/skatepark/living zone today. Looking for warehouses to have Foot Clan hideout at. Get into it.

Fufilling my life or living to die? The few things that make me happy are all the things that people fear and despise. Normalcy is daily life. Daily life is boring.
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Today I am beginning my fast [Jul. 16th, 2007|02:46 pm]
[mood |water sucks]
[music |OHL]

Fuck you food. It's very hard to avoid the fact that a large percentage that surrounds human interaction and enjoyment is based on food and nutrition. My body is in well need of a restart. Afterwards I have plans to change my diet and grow in physical strength. Strength in one's convictions helps strengthen life.

Show friday was awesome. Punk lives.
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Give Us A Future [Jul. 10th, 2007|12:48 am]
"promises and bullshit is all i hear
living in danger, not in fear"

The only push is your own shove. It might be depressing. It might be embarrassing and sad. But it's life... I am squinting at the good. Struggling to see. I will never forget it's there. No matter how far and no matter how hard to achieve. Cherry slush is good. Friends are good. Ridiculousness is good. To the extreme and over the top. I might need something new for now but I will never forget what I have built and what I have earned. I will never turn my back but will push forward. So fucking hard.

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Somebody Anybody [Jun. 30th, 2007|03:26 pm]
[mood |crash and burn]
[music |Icon A.D.]

I haven't been sleeping. I haven't been eating. I haven't been taking care of myself. I haven't been taking care of my responsibilities. I havent't been taking care of my health and have become weak. I haven't got a future ahead of me.

I don't know what to do anymore. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing to do. Nothing coming my way and absolutely no desire to do anything for myself. Wish I had what it takes. Wish had what it takes to carry on strong. Wish it didn't have to be this way. Alone in a crowd. Lost. Empty. Dead.

The music is blaring and I've got my back against the wall. When you choose the music you gotta dance the dance. White noise is a nightmare. Baby play me something I like.

There's a storm coming...
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