I Do Not Ask For A Chance But The Strength To Take One
I stood at the edge of the ocean in a deep fog. Throwing rocks into the water as hard and as far as I could. Alone in the dark deep fog. It was good. Very refreshing. Mackey once showed me how he screams at the ocean when he is upset. That all the anger you channel into it leaves it unchanged. Staying calm yet feirce and peaceful but dangerous. A place of undying rage and quiet peacefulness.

Yesterday I got into a pretty bad accident. Losing my brakes in the middle of an intersection crashing into the side of a speeding van. I thought it just needed to be popped into place. In fact I have a seperated shoulder. My clavicle is no longer connected to my shoulder. All the ligaments connecting them are torn and can only be fixed with surgery. I don't see that happening unless this affects my arm mobility in the future. So I instead just have lump looking deformity in my shoulder forever. I missed the show. My best friend is in the hospital. Sean and chelsea got arrested. My bike needs serious repairs. I can't play guitar. I can't tatoo. I contiued that whole day in self misery and hate. Yet carry on with high hopes and my head up.

I feel as if my time is ticking. Ever so quickly. I can't lie. I'm afraid. Trying so hard to make the best of things but being alone really makes it difficult. I do have it together. I really do. I'm level. Clear headed. For once in my life. So I wonder why I feel like the whole world hates me. I missed out on alot of good things in the past because I didn't have it together. Now I face the consequence of lost hearts.