Not asking to fit in...
I just want to give up. It's really all over. I'm never going to be satisfied, pleased or happy. I'm always going to feel left out and on the outside of life. Whether it's where I want to be or not. I always tell people there's a whole world out there. Because well, there is. It's great and full of stuff and great things are always happening. Realistically there's nothing there for me. I try. I really do. Nobody is going to pull me out of my bed in the morning. I pull myself and step out the door to a world too full for a reject. I really don't know what to do anymore. Where to turn and where to go. I don't even know why I'm even writing this. I don't need to document my failure of a life. Not a single person takes anything I say or do serious and quite frankly I don't know why I even try. The whole world in my hand and there's nothing in it for me. I'd give it all up to someone else who could appreciate it better. anyday.

Life is a series of prisons and systems.

Smash life.

The only thing that has made me feel ok in the last month or so is riding through a gloomy and drizzly downtown boston. My stress level has been through the roof. My depression is becoming harder to hide. Well it's easy due to the fact that I don't do shit all day. I need a companion. Desperately. It's fucking sad. Embarassing. The fact that I need someone, something or anything to assist my own fucking life. Worst part is that it's never going to happen. I hate everything and everyone too much to stand a helping hand. I need to just stop shooting myself in the foot and shoot myself in the head.

-------------------------------------------------------

It's bizzare that when you feel at your lowest you are at times reminded of who you are and why you are from the places you least expect it. Yes I feel at the end of my rope. Yes there's alot of pressure on me to stay me and to carry on to great things. Fact is I'm going to no matter what. Maybe I have only been letting myself down these days. or maybe always. but i'm still pushing forward. Strength is one of the many keys to true life. I've got that key. Who wants in?

Oi Oi Skinheads. Get your hair cut.