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To find yourself you must first lose yourself... [Oct. 7th, 2012|12:41 am]
[mood |sad face emoticon]
[music |a global threat]

To wander day by day lost at sea in an ocean of empty fog. Directionless with blind ambition and nowhere to go. Shout into the endless black night. The man in the moon has no ears. Fuck em.

I broke my heart to remind me it's the only one I've got...

Step into tomorrow ending up in another day you don't want to be in. Another place on this planet I wish I could destroy. Another passer by and furniture on wheels and a million rats piled mile high scrambling for a reason that isn't there. And do I even fucking care?

Restart. Clean slate. New beginnings. Change. For better. Cleansing. Anew. A lie to your face.
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what a life to live [Feb. 22nd, 2012|01:53 pm]
Currency over companionship is a war I ignored until the tables turned and here I am. Sitting on stacks of loneliness and faux social statuses and power. Not a single outstretched arm but my own hand, palm up. Aimlessly lost in a world of possibilities. No goal but sitting on top of the mountain where there is only room for one. Do we all await a tombstone with our own name on it? The vanity of another's sorrow. Remember me when I'm gone because who knows who I am at this moment...

Out of step. Can't relate. To anything.

The more I broaden my horizons the more I just don't understand.
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Sleepless Grey Morning [Oct. 27th, 2011|11:08 am]
I just await the day when it all comes crumbling down. With open arms I'll watch humanity fall. And no difference will it make... they continue as zombies. Ignorance is blisssssssss

And when the next life comes there's still no life. Perpetuate emptiness. Nothing for nothing.

When windows are black how does one find hope? Self incarceration... even though you've seen and experienced the wonders and beauties of the world. Love is entrapment. Life is liberty. Ne'er shall they go hand in hand. Home is cell and the world is out there.

It turns without you. Unison is death.
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Punx back in town? [May. 14th, 2011|02:23 pm]
[mood |revisited]
[music |complete control]

I miss more than anything playing in a real punk band. Maybe more so having that community of like minded people around me. Where everyone was idealistic, angry, moving forward and actually looked cool haha. I know it still exists but I am not a part of it like I used to. I only have myself to blame. I chose different anchors along the way. Punk is no anchors, no future. Fuckin a. This is bullshit, I'm shaving in a mohawk this week. Studding my new vest and getting decked all the time. No reason not to. More reasons now than ever to do so.

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Blah Blah Blah [May. 7th, 2011|04:27 pm]

Irrelevant. Yet nonetheless a good jam for being a baby.

As the buzzing keeps my mind at bay. And when it stops life enters in and all I want is for everything to change.

I need a motorcycle so I can just go.


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The gift of chains [Apr. 21st, 2011|07:40 pm]
This feeling of eternal falling never passes. The same faces unchanged in broken mirrors astray. Waiting in emptiness or holding back the explosion? The pain of a struggle forward seems to be the same as trying your hardest to stay perfectly still. Here I am. And that's it. How boring.

I desperately seek shelter in your eyes. To know the heart that owns mine would be the greatest gift. Yet I dance awkwardly with a stranger while the sands fall to the bottom of a broken hourglass. As the night passes we wonder where tomorrow goes in a world standing perfectly still. A bull in a room full of fine china? Softly ravishing his lust in order to keep this fragile storm cloud from fading away. She hands you the dagger, blade first, and you gladly accept. And what are we thankful for? Will I ever know?

I don't know who I am anymore because I know too well who I was.

My father once related to me this way:
"You can take the beast out of the city, but you can't take the city out of the beast."

Everyone says that love makes the world go round. However, the world is turning on without me because I am in love.

I now have everything they told me I would need to be happy. What a joke. I used to reject but now I'm a reject.

She tames the wild horse.
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Lost in magnetic oscillating relay [Apr. 18th, 2011|02:13 pm]
[mood |apatheticapathetic]

So much time has passed and changed and all stayed the same. I haven't updated this thing in forever. Either I haven't had the time could be a good excuse or simply the web world has moved onto different social expressive avenues. Funny how we don't speak if no one is listening. However I think I will try to continue writing in this thing in the hopes of actually benefiting from having a journal. No matter how cryptic the ramble it all still means something to me.

Been wasting time relating to the world.

Along the way I lost my way. How heavy the hearts they fade away.

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Sunrise of the Baphomet [Aug. 2nd, 2009|02:53 am]
[mood |Lost]

Winter is the abyss of one thousand moons
Where carnage cums silent
The rustling dead foliage rots
under the crispen, frigid ice
Oh, how we dream of the flames
Stretching frostbitten digits towards the sun
and nightmare is the hourglass
but darkness is the one

The angels fall from the sky toward thy grinning grimace. Weeping and moaning for abuse. Masturbate the cat of nine tails. This is where blood be lubrication. Moisten into monsters, the children of God. Deny thy father and praise the dark serpent. Each and every angel blushes into the dark. The winged purity may manipulate the man but for what benefit? Only the one of pain she desires. Screaming. Begging. Crying. Demanding. Pain. Pain in the depths of one's heart and blackened soul. Only then to fly into the sun. Away.

Escape the dark.
Only after a taste.

I am enraged at the false sense of security I am pressured into building around me. The robots and the drones and the zombies are marching. They will not stop. They will never stop. I am trapped within a world of fraud. Building someone else's dreams. I'm sick and tired of building someone else's dreams. And if we dream alone. We are left alone. So where do we lay? Where does that leave me? I desire therefore I must complete the cycles and tasks and earn the right to move forward in the eyes of my peers. Move forward to help push another man's stone before you can build with your own. And to share this life with another will never be anarchy. Liberty is without anchors. My dream is only one. That one. One day. She will push me into the sun.
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I'm not even mad at how things have panned out [Apr. 26th, 2009|11:06 pm]
[mood |Released into the wild]
[music |Puke]

I like to stand at the ocean's edge and watch the immense power of the waves crash into the earth. Look far off into the infinite horizon. The power and the glory of life in turmoil, chaos and persistant instability. I watch the reundance of serenity. The white noise is neither quiet and peaceful nor loud and rambunctious. It is the massive cycle of life. Beyond Gods. Beyond all living things. Moreso all things in one. As the waves slither up the sand to my feet. I take out my dick and piss. I hate the fucking ocean.

And so we return to the repetitive and mundane. The non-existant mind games of technological advancements, social cliches and power struggles. From forced human warehousing to choosing our material confinements. So much has changed. Yet, even worse, so much has stayed exactly the same. What you wish to leave in the past haunts like a dissapointing shadow. The future is simple. We are a dog throwing it's own frisbee. Chase the carrot at the end of the stick. Titles and lovers and possesions and dreams. Boredom. Nowhere. Boring, boring, boring.

Things will be good. Things will be bad. Things will be just ok. Never content. That will never fucking change. Take a deep breath. Take a look inside. Push forward and wish you could bring the whole world with you. To see what you see. But no. They never will. They will never understand. They are furniture with legs and responsibilities. Movie extras. Other cars on the highway. I wonder if anyone else is looking up at these stars tonight. Bollocks. Crocks of shit and cunts and wankers.

I can't force myself into the square. I just dont fit and dont care.

It's a long hard road ahead. One big fucking adventure. The past, one ridiculous memory. You can't imagine my life. And still there are those who live much more gloriously?... Yeah, either way I want more. Always harder, faster, now. But I have to slow down. Stay off the radar. Stay out of trouble. Blend. Torn between reality and my own reality. Life needs to be lived. I've tasted the forbidden fruit of Gods and morphed into the demons of earth. I want to regurgitate, ravage and sway nations into upheaval. 100% 2 fingers in the air. Utter chaos and complete bananas. Limmericks and cockney slang. Offensive language.

I'm not even angry. I'm in love. Things are great. I am great. My friends and family are great. My future is great. Life is great. Laughing all the way to the funny farm. Sneering. Shaking vigorously and violently. Gobbing and strutting. Punx rule skool.

Lucha, comparte y vive en paz y armonia
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I Wish My Head Really Would Just Explode [Nov. 17th, 2007|02:59 am]
[mood |by a thread]
[music |Dead Prez]

The bad continues to outweigh the good no matter how positive you try to stay. I push it down and push it down until I can't feel anything. My future is a nightmare to avoid. The only solutions in my head are all the things you're not supposed to do. Trying so hard to do the "right" things and be a good person. I don't even know why anymore...

Somebody tell me why...

I continue to be the stepping stone and the open hand. The open mind and the smile to the fire. Do I not appreciate the positive outcome that comes with being alive? Is everything really so miserable that even putting the effort toward positive outcomes worthless? Am I the only person who feels wrong for wanting to give up? Don't fit in. Can't keep up. Unapproved. Unwanted.

What happened?


Crazy Jimmy R.I.P


Crazy Jimmy You're A Jerk.
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