| Sunrise of the Baphomet |
[Aug. 2nd, 2009|02:53 am] |
Winter is the abyss of one thousand moons
Where carnage cums silent
The rustling dead foliage rots
under the crispen, frigid ice
Oh, how we dream of the flames
Stretching frostbitten digits towards the sun
and nightmare is the hourglass
but darkness is the one
The angels fall from the sky toward thy grinning grimace. Weeping and moaning for abuse. Masturbate the cat of nine tails. This is where blood be lubrication. Moisten into monsters, the children of God. Deny thy father and praise the dark serpent. Each and every angel blushes into the dark. The winged purity may manipulate the man but for what benefit? Only the one of pain she desires. Screaming. Begging. Crying. Demanding. Pain. Pain in the depths of one's heart and blackened soul. Only then to fly into the sun. Away.
Escape the dark.
Only after a taste.
I am enraged at the false sense of security I am pressured into building around me. The robots and the drones and the zombies are marching. They will not stop. They will never stop. I am trapped within a world of fraud. Building someone else's dreams. I'm sick and tired of building someone else's dreams. And if we dream alone. We are left alone. So where do we lay? Where does that leave me? I desire therefore I must complete the cycles and tasks and earn the right to move forward in the eyes of my peers. Move forward to help push another man's stone before you can build with your own. And to share this life with another will never be anarchy. Liberty is without anchors. My dream is only one. That one. One day. She will push me into the sun. |
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| I'm not even mad at how things have panned out |
[Apr. 26th, 2009|11:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Released into the wild | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Puke | ] |
I like to stand at the ocean's edge and watch the immense power of the waves crash into the earth. Look far off into the infinite horizon. The power and the glory of life in turmoil, chaos and persistant instability. I watch the reundance of serenity. The white noise is neither quiet and peaceful nor loud and rambunctious. It is the massive cycle of life. Beyond Gods. Beyond all living things. Moreso all things in one. As the waves slither up the sand to my feet. I take out my dick and piss. I hate the fucking ocean.
And so we return to the repetitive and mundane. The non-existant mind games of technological advancements, social cliches and power struggles. From forced human warehousing to choosing our material confinements. So much has changed. Yet, even worse, so much has stayed exactly the same. What you wish to leave in the past haunts like a dissapointing shadow. The future is simple. We are a dog throwing it's own frisbee. Chase the carrot at the end of the stick. Titles and lovers and possesions and dreams. Boredom. Nowhere. Boring, boring, boring.
Things will be good. Things will be bad. Things will be just ok. Never content. That will never fucking change. Take a deep breath. Take a look inside. Push forward and wish you could bring the whole world with you. To see what you see. But no. They never will. They will never understand. They are furniture with legs and responsibilities. Movie extras. Other cars on the highway. I wonder if anyone else is looking up at these stars tonight. Bollocks. Crocks of shit and cunts and wankers.
I can't force myself into the square. I just dont fit and dont care.
It's a long hard road ahead. One big fucking adventure. The past, one ridiculous memory. You can't imagine my life. And still there are those who live much more gloriously?... Yeah, either way I want more. Always harder, faster, now. But I have to slow down. Stay off the radar. Stay out of trouble. Blend. Torn between reality and my own reality. Life needs to be lived. I've tasted the forbidden fruit of Gods and morphed into the demons of earth. I want to regurgitate, ravage and sway nations into upheaval. 100% 2 fingers in the air. Utter chaos and complete bananas. Limmericks and cockney slang. Offensive language.
I'm not even angry. I'm in love. Things are great. I am great. My friends and family are great. My future is great. Life is great. Laughing all the way to the funny farm. Sneering. Shaking vigorously and violently. Gobbing and strutting. Punx rule skool.
Lucha, comparte y vive en paz y armonia |
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| I Wish My Head Really Would Just Explode |
[Nov. 17th, 2007|02:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | by a thread | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Dead Prez | ] |
The bad continues to outweigh the good no matter how positive you try to stay. I push it down and push it down until I can't feel anything. My future is a nightmare to avoid. The only solutions in my head are all the things you're not supposed to do. Trying so hard to do the "right" things and be a good person. I don't even know why anymore...
Somebody tell me why...
I continue to be the stepping stone and the open hand. The open mind and the smile to the fire. Do I not appreciate the positive outcome that comes with being alive? Is everything really so miserable that even putting the effort toward positive outcomes worthless? Am I the only person who feels wrong for wanting to give up? Don't fit in. Can't keep up. Unapproved. Unwanted.
What happened?
------------------------------------------------------------
Crazy Jimmy R.I.P
-----------------------------------------------------
Re:Edit
Crazy Jimmy You're A Jerk. |
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| Love What Dies |
[Oct. 27th, 2007|03:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | fuck the rain | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Burzum | ] |
I am a dancefloor of embers
I am a life of sparkling flames
I am a charred heart and blackened soul
I dream of taking your hand
I dream of holding you close
I dream of having this dance
Reality watches you come near
Reality watches you hold on
Reality watches you burn away
I am the mesmerizing flame of limitless wonder, beauty and destructive power. An accelerant of passion burns compassion ripping hearts from their homes and melting away all hope. As you watch the world in ashes the cycle ends and every breath expires. Chaotic mass confusion is pure peace and reality. All I ask is for a simple dance in the midst of hell. Even if it will kill you.
Why do ashes make me smile? |
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| I Brought Back Streetpunk |
[Oct. 15th, 2007|04:07 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | trying | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Defects | ] |
More nights like last night need to happen. Through the bullshit that is life comes a few hidden good times and great memories. Everything is always a bummer and the walls are always caving in. Bad luck and shit storms in the forecast. I don't care. Push it deep inside and enjoy the times. It's all going to be ripped away in the end. Just keep kicking away at the people trying to drag me down. Stay out of the chaos of hearts and minds. Stay out of life. Every man is for themselves. Leave me with my heart and I'll be fine. I got a crush and its ok. What a disaster waiting to happen. All a part of the good parts of life. I shall cherish the days before the flames. Baby the whole world's going insane.
www.bostonpogoattack.co.nr |
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| Fight For Your Life! |
[Sep. 30th, 2007|09:27 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | streetpunk you idiot | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ulver | ] |
Tonight (now 9:30am) was a really fucking good night. Well needed. Life has been a big pile of shit lately. I forgot the things that make living in this shitty world worth living. Jumping off things at good shows, lots of friends, falling through furniture and structures, wrecking everything, streetpunk, fighting, being insane, pizza pizza pizza and driving home at 110mph in a car that isnt yours and with a liscense that dosen't exist.
I've also been pushing myself positively. Trying to join and/or begin a dominoes league, practicing spanish and learing japanese, starting a distro, went and got food stamps, working on a new website, going to do a new zine, bringing back streetpunk and possibly looking for a Mrs. after avoiding such a thing for so long. Ready to live life to the fullest. Be jealous.
Now I'm going to sleep to black metal. |
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| Welcome To The Eye Of The Storm |
[Sep. 14th, 2007|09:52 am] |
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore –
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over –
Like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
Like a heavy load.
Or does it explode? |
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| I Do Not Ask For A Chance But The Strength To Take One |
[Aug. 8th, 2007|11:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | DeSpiritualized | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Blood Spit Nights | ] |
I stood at the edge of the ocean in a deep fog. Throwing rocks into the water as hard and as far as I could. Alone in the dark deep fog. It was good. Very refreshing. Mackey once showed me how he screams at the ocean when he is upset. That all the anger you channel into it leaves it unchanged. Staying calm yet feirce and peaceful but dangerous. A place of undying rage and quiet peacefulness.
Yesterday I got into a pretty bad accident. Losing my brakes in the middle of an intersection crashing into the side of a speeding van. I thought it just needed to be popped into place. In fact I have a seperated shoulder. My clavicle is no longer connected to my shoulder. All the ligaments connecting them are torn and can only be fixed with surgery. I don't see that happening unless this affects my arm mobility in the future. So I instead just have lump looking deformity in my shoulder forever. I missed the show. My best friend is in the hospital. Sean and chelsea got arrested. My bike needs serious repairs. I can't play guitar. I can't tatoo. I contiued that whole day in self misery and hate. Yet carry on with high hopes and my head up.
I feel as if my time is ticking. Ever so quickly. I can't lie. I'm afraid. Trying so hard to make the best of things but being alone really makes it difficult. I do have it together. I really do. I'm level. Clear headed. For once in my life. So I wonder why I feel like the whole world hates me. I missed out on alot of good things in the past because I didn't have it together. Now I face the consequence of lost hearts. |
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| Everyone Knows Me But Nobody Knows Me |
[Aug. 4th, 2007|06:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | hopeless lives | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Vicious | ] |
Homeward bound after a slumberless night and the beginning of a new day. The slow public transportation is relaxing and rewarding. Everyone's going to work and you're going home. What it is to be a maniac and deserve the rights to be looked at as a maniac by people who have no idea how exhilirating or how dull you may be.
I'm so far gone that normalcy is a fairytale.
I'm tired of being lonely. I'm tired of having to admit it. Tired of the lack of confidence and self esteem. Tired of the world around me. Tired of all the places and faces. Can you believe it's been this long? I'm forgetting what it feels like. Maybe that's a good thing. I won't be getting lost in the depths of pupils and entangled in compassion. It only stings when they smile back. The apathy is overwhelming me and I'm sinking fast. Maybe just maybe it's out there.
Fuck Religion. Fuck Politics. Fuck The Lot Of Ya. |
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| Living In Ruins Piled So High It Becomes A Throne |
[Aug. 2nd, 2007|08:16 pm] |
Last weekend was great. 4 days of straight adventure. Exploring, fights, friends, fires, burritos, pizza, puking and swimming. I don't like swimming but I went and had a good time. Chodey was visiting and it made everything much more fun and hilarious. It's one of those things that so much happened and the stories of the days have been told over and over that it's not worth talking about. Savor the moments in time I guess.
The knox album is finished finally. Like mixing and everything. Now just need to do artwork and all the other bullshit. Lots of shows coming up and that music jazz. Woot woot. Looked at a building for a venue/skatepark/living zone today. Looking for warehouses to have Foot Clan hideout at. Get into it.
Fufilling my life or living to die? The few things that make me happy are all the things that people fear and despise. Normalcy is daily life. Daily life is boring. |
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| Today I am beginning my fast |
[Jul. 16th, 2007|02:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | water sucks | ] |
| [ | music |
| | OHL | ] |
Fuck you food. It's very hard to avoid the fact that a large percentage that surrounds human interaction and enjoyment is based on food and nutrition. My body is in well need of a restart. Afterwards I have plans to change my diet and grow in physical strength. Strength in one's convictions helps strengthen life.
Show friday was awesome. Punk lives. |
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| Give Us A Future |
[Jul. 10th, 2007|12:48 am] |
"promises and bullshit is all i hear
living in danger, not in fear"
The only push is your own shove. It might be depressing. It might be embarrassing and sad. But it's life... I am squinting at the good. Struggling to see. I will never forget it's there. No matter how far and no matter how hard to achieve. Cherry slush is good. Friends are good. Ridiculousness is good. To the extreme and over the top. I might need something new for now but I will never forget what I have built and what I have earned. I will never turn my back but will push forward. So fucking hard.
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| Somebody Anybody |
[Jun. 30th, 2007|03:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crash and burn | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Icon A.D. | ] |
I haven't been sleeping. I haven't been eating. I haven't been taking care of myself. I haven't been taking care of my responsibilities. I havent't been taking care of my health and have become weak. I haven't got a future ahead of me.
I don't know what to do anymore. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing to do. Nothing coming my way and absolutely no desire to do anything for myself. Wish I had what it takes. Wish had what it takes to carry on strong. Wish it didn't have to be this way. Alone in a crowd. Lost. Empty. Dead.
The music is blaring and I've got my back against the wall. When you choose the music you gotta dance the dance. White noise is a nightmare. Baby play me something I like.
There's a storm coming... |
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| I was someone who never gave up... |
[Jun. 28th, 2007|04:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | this is really it? | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Riffs | ] |
I failed.
I tried. I really did. I just fell over the edge. Picked myself up off the ground so many times. It's just not worth it anymore. I'm never going to be happy. No mater how much I fight. I try. I give it my all. Every ounce of heart. Desperately grasping onto anything that will help me crack a smile, a sigh of relief or a feeling of contentment. I got nothin. Nobody can help me and I can't talk to anyone about it. I wish there was someone I could talk to. Oh well. It's too late now anyways. Cracked under the pressure. Don't be too suprised about anything that happens from here on.
Everything is now past tense. |
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| baby the whole world's going insane |
[Jun. 16th, 2007|02:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Hate Edge and Hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Zero Boys | ] |
Wednesday went on an adventure to Province Town. Snuck into a film, got kicked out of a fancy gay club, there was karaoke hosted by the best drag queen i've seen, brie cheese and big bread, pee for dogs, found a giant wooden castle like playground that blew my mind, explored a haunted duck cabin in the middle of the woods at 3am, tried to steal a boat and ate expensive shitty p-town pizza. Hot dog what a night.
Last night Worcester was very violent.
Last night Allston was very violent.
Looking for more adventures. Never give up on a day. Never give up on the night. Live fast. |
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| Not asking to fit in... |
[Jun. 13th, 2007|01:34 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | exterminate exterminate | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Demob | ] |
I just want to give up. It's really all over. I'm never going to be satisfied, pleased or happy. I'm always going to feel left out and on the outside of life. Whether it's where I want to be or not. I always tell people there's a whole world out there. Because well, there is. It's great and full of stuff and great things are always happening. Realistically there's nothing there for me. I try. I really do. Nobody is going to pull me out of my bed in the morning. I pull myself and step out the door to a world too full for a reject. I really don't know what to do anymore. Where to turn and where to go. I don't even know why I'm even writing this. I don't need to document my failure of a life. Not a single person takes anything I say or do serious and quite frankly I don't know why I even try. The whole world in my hand and there's nothing in it for me. I'd give it all up to someone else who could appreciate it better. anyday.
Life is a series of prisons and systems.
Smash life.
The only thing that has made me feel ok in the last month or so is riding through a gloomy and drizzly downtown boston. My stress level has been through the roof. My depression is becoming harder to hide. Well it's easy due to the fact that I don't do shit all day. I need a companion. Desperately. It's fucking sad. Embarassing. The fact that I need someone, something or anything to assist my own fucking life. Worst part is that it's never going to happen. I hate everything and everyone too much to stand a helping hand. I need to just stop shooting myself in the foot and shoot myself in the head.
-------------------------------------------------------
It's bizzare that when you feel at your lowest you are at times reminded of who you are and why you are from the places you least expect it. Yes I feel at the end of my rope. Yes there's alot of pressure on me to stay me and to carry on to great things. Fact is I'm going to no matter what. Maybe I have only been letting myself down these days. or maybe always. but i'm still pushing forward. Strength is one of the many keys to true life. I've got that key. Who wants in?
Oi Oi Skinheads. Get your hair cut. |
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| Black Metal Ist Kreig |
[Jun. 1st, 2007|08:37 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Early Morning Darkness | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Naglfar | ] |
What's too much and what's too far?
The left hand path leads with no boundaries or barriers and exceeds limitless. Why broaden your horizons? When you own the horizon, the sun, the moon and every excerpt of life. With the knowlegde to understand all that is wrong and evil in this world with reason. To understand it without reason. To appreciate all of life's fine glory. Is this to be unsatisfied for all eternity? The black arts make me smile. You can feel emotionless at times. It feels great.
I've bought a shitload of new records since I've updated. I'll post them next time. I can't remember them off the top of my head and are nowhere near me at this moment.
Everyday I look to do something with myself. Not like business wise. Or grown up paper pushing trophy desperation. But life. Adventures. Good people. Creativity. I feel like my lonliness is my anchor to these things. Well, not even to accomplishment but more so appreciating the things I actually do. Whether they be beneficial, productive, counter productive or just plain destructive. I feel like I do so much but never enough. When all fails and bad things happen I seem to just take a deep breath and carry on. I do not let it phase me. I do not let it get me down. But I only wish I had higher goals to make that transition easier. Maybe the memories aren't for me. One day someone will appreciate them. Even if it's after I exist. |
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| I have only one thing to say to you... |
[May. 11th, 2007|03:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | you never were | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Complete Control | ] |
!iO
Desperately looking for firewood. Everything and anything must go in the fire. So much has burned. It's still not enough. Nowhere near. Even at it's peak. It dwindles now. I'm still burning strong.
I used to have a soundtrack to my life. I could relate. Is this what happens when you surpass all obstacles within reality? When you overcome and make dreams a reality. I took all the chances and suffered all the songs. I don't dream anymore. I didn't much before. Mostly because all the ideas and wishes I forced true. Anything is possible.
Don't be upset at life. Fuck life. It's a waste of time trying to cruise through it. It's a waste trying to make the pain not so bad. It's a waste trying to grip onto the beautiful and wonderful. It's a fucking torture machine. If you change to make it "not so bad" then you are not living. The only way to live is to careen through everything. Take the good and the bad as it comes. You will suffer. So deal with it. Hate, depression, violence, lust, lies, accidents and tragedy. I don't care anymore. There's good that comes along too. I'm just going to fight it all. If something great grand and wonderful comes my way I'll enjoy it. Everything else faces war. I don't mind the war at all. I've come to wreck everything and ruin your life :)
I wish I was too young to know and too wreckless to care.
Things don't work that way. The way it does work is creation, education and completely ridiculous insanity! |
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| I have only one thing to say to you... |
[May. 11th, 2007|03:59 pm] |
Desperately looking for firewood. Everything and anything must go in the fire. So much has burned. It's still not enough. Nowhere near. Even at it's peak. It dwindles now. I'm still burning strong.
I used to have a soundtrack to my life. I could relate. Is this what happens when you surpass all obstacles within reality? When you overcome and make dreams a reality. I took all the chances and suffered all the songs. I don't dream anymore. I didn't much before. Mostly because all the ideas and wishes I forced true. Anything is possible.
Don't be upset at life. Fuck life. It's a |
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| Watch The Clock Tick Away Your Last Breath... |
[Apr. 25th, 2007|03:10 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | stagnant death | ] |
| [ | music |
| | A Global Threat | ] |
I watch the world being born with one foot in the grave. I made my daring escape and now walk along the cold stones alone. Reading numbers marking memories and dreaming of my own. A cemetary of glassed hearts with nothing to encase. An empty wishing well that dares you to make every penny a reality. Where the line is so blurred that I can't even remember if last weekend was just an idea.
My mind pulsates razors and my eyes swell up with anger. So much hate. So much saddness. Every second I want to just destroy...
Any second and it can all be taken away...
I've got the world and it's still not enough. I've got shit and it's more than enough to get me by. I'll never be satisfied. I'll always be lonely. I'll always want to be alone. Perfection is my destruction. Mental freedom through emotional chaos. Anarchy. Violence.
Can you read back and tell me when everything was ok?
Just pushing and pushing. Maybe one day I'll get it right. Maybe one day she will exist. Maybe one day the smoke will clear. Maybe one day they'll remember my name. In a world where I have to die trying just to live forever.
Punk Lives. Everyone is dead. A chill up your spine when you realized you've died by suicide. You failed your own dream and anyone else living it is your worst nightmare. How embarrassing. How young they die. I will outlive those who claimed to have lived. Killing the elderly and slaughtering the youth. You're dead. Punk Lives. |
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